How To Self Love and Stop Self-Loathing?

self-loathing meaning

self-loathing meaning



disgust with oneself; the feeling that one is detestable: Consumed by my own self-loathing, I thought I deserved nothing.


The feeling of being disgusted with oneself: Amidst my insecurities and self-loathing, I figured she probably gave me her number without any intentions of going out with me.

Have you ever thought to yourself, “I despise myself”? Is it possible that you focus on negative aspects of yourself more than you would like to? Do you want to know how to quit feeling bad about yourself? We’ll first talk about self-loathing meaning and its many components in this post. Then you’ll get some advice on how to overcome self-loathing.

 What is Self-Loathing?

Self-loathing, also known as self-hatred, is a harsh judgement of oneself. For example, you may feel as if nothing you accomplish is good enough or as if you are worthless or undeserving of nice things in life. Self-hatred might feel like you have someone following you around all day, every day, criticizing and pointing out every shortcoming or condemning you for every mistake.

• “I knew you’d fail” is a common self-hatred notion.

• “Why do you even bother?”

• “You’re a jerk.”

• “No one wants to be around you.”

• “Look at yourself stumbling again.”

• “Why can’t you be normal?”

Symptoms & Signs of Self-Loathing

It might be helpful to understand how to spot self-loathing in yourself or a close friend, whether you wish to notice it in yourself or a close friend. Please continue reading to discover more about them.

1. All-or-nothing thinking: This sort of thinking frequently involves the use of absolutes or extremes. For example, you perceive your life as either beautiful or horrible, with no subtleties or shades of grey in between. This might be troublesome since it makes it harder to identify alternate answers or coping methods.

2. Negativity bias: You emphasize the terrible elements and fail to evaluate the advantages. Even if you had a wonderful experience, you may disregard it and find a way to perceive it negatively.

 3. Low self-esteem: Self-esteem may also be defined as the degree to which you like, approve of, or respect yourself. Low self-esteem corresponds to poor self-evaluations. To put it another way, if you have poor self-esteem, you typically do not see yourself positively.

You tend to be critical of yourself and the people in your life. As a result, you may become trapped in negative self-talk cycles, telling yourself things like “I’m worthless,” “I’ll never succeed at this,” or “I’m not clever enough.

The Causes of Self-Loathing

According to Lisa Firestone and Joyce Catlett in their book Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice, Self-loathing originated from our childhood, when we tried to cope with our situations as best, we could. They explain that the kind and extent of this separation inside ourselves is determined by the parenting we got and the early surroundings we were exposed to. Parents, like everyone else, have conflicting sentiments about themselves; they have things they enjoy about themselves and things they dislike about themselves.

Unfortunately, the same negative attitudes that parents experience about themselves are sometimes transferred against their children. Furthermore, if a parent has unresolved feelings from trauma or loss in the past, this will affect the way they respond to their children.

Children of all ages pay special attention to and are more impacted by even minor incidents of parental anger due to their sensitive sensitivity to pain and unpleasant conditions.

 They may see a parent’s wrath as life-threatening, whether expressed or not. (In severe cases, they may be correct in their views.) In any event, youngsters in high-stress circumstances frequently feel threatened to the core of their being and fear for their lives. When children are stressed or terrified, they cease identifying with themselves as the defenceless kid and instead identify with the adult who is verbally or physically abusing them. 

The parent is accepted or absorbed as they are at that time when they are at their worst, not as they are every day. As a result, the kid tends to take on the parent’s wrath, fear, self-hatred, and the entire range of emotions that the parent is experiencing at the moment.


As a result of our very human – and hence very imperfect – upbringings, we have all been subjected to events and moments in which we were made to feel horrible, inadequate, or frantic to prove otherwise. Overcoming the Destructive Inner Voice – True Stories of Therapy and Transformation, Robert Firestone’s most recent book, is a collection of short stories. He recounts various therapeutic experiences from his career. Many of these highly intimate memoirs appear to have an underlying theme of self-loathing. Especially noteworthy is the chapter titled The Uninvited. Dr Firestone is a psychology student at Denver University when an old acquaintance arrives, virtually catatonic, seeking aid. Dr Firestone presents this young man’s battle against the rich backdrop of his circumstances in ferociously hilarious and sharply intellectual writing.

How to Stop Self-Loathing

  1. Journaling

By putting your ideas on paper, journaling can help you sort through them. Anxiety and self-loathing can be exacerbated when you have an excessive quantity of thoughts running through your mind. As you reflect on your day, you can identify how specific situations or people affected your feelings, enabling you to uncover the reasons for your self-loathing.

It’s critical to maintain consistency with journaling for it to be effective. Only then will you see a pattern and become aware of how your emotions change over time. Furthermore, research indicates that writing about your feelings might help you reduce psychological suffering (Markovi, Bjeki, & Priebe, 2020).

  1. Confront your inner critic

In addition to becoming more conscious of your emotions, it may be beneficial to examine your ideas when confronted with an unfavourable scenario. Examine your assumptions. Are they plausible? Do you believe in all-or-nothing thinking? Consider your inner critic to be a bully and strive to confront them. Counter negative thoughts and comments with an argument favouring the other viewpoint. Suppose this is difficult for you, picture what a buddy would say to the critical voice in your brain and embrace that. Make this a regular habit.

3. Practice self-compassion and self-acceptance

As stated at the beginning of this essay, the opposite of self-loathing is self-acceptance or self-compassion. How can you hone these abilities? It all starts with a mental adjustment. Is it truly the end of the world because of that one blunder? Can you be a little gentler on yourself? It will gradually become a habit when you start accepting and loving yourself unconditionally and cultivating good self-talk. According to research, compassion-focused treatment can assist enhance self-esteem, which can help lessen self-loathing (Thomason & Moghaddam, 2020).

  1. Practise Forgiveness

Self-hatred is frequently centred on the past—

an unpleasant memory or feeling such as shame or guilt, rage or humiliation, or a sense of powerlessness. There is no place to forgive ourselves or accept ourselves for who we are in that area. Try to stay in the current moment and think about how far you’ve come. This may seem strange or unusual at first. Still, it will gradually assist you in reducing self-hatred and acquiring self-compassion.

  1. Recognize and Accept Compliments

It isn’t easy to accept praise if you detest yourself. It may even feel alien and uncomfortable, causing you to disregard or diminish it to avoid feeling exposed.

Learning how to receive praise will take work, but it is doable. Try saying “thank you” and stopping there the next time someone compliments you. Resist the desire to respond with a self-critical or contemptuous retort.

How to Boost Your Self-Esteem

To solve an issue, you must first become aware of it, so start by observing and challenging critical self-talk. Investigate your own storey and why it may be incorrect. Avoiding comparison and practising forgiveness can also aid in the development of self-esteem. The remedy to self-loathing is to cultivate self-esteem. Learning to silence one’s inner critic might help to reduce negative thoughts and comparisons to others. You are practising self-compassion and learning to forgive others. Oneself for mistakes made in the past, whether significant or minor, are other essential techniques.

Seeking help from a loved one or a mental health expert is also a critical element of the process.


Everyone has times when they are frustrated, ashamed, or regretful. When emotions of inadequacy become pervasive and severe, self-loathing becomes a worry. This scenario might be an indication of sadness. It is possible to recover from self-hatred and despair if one seeks help, whether it is through a hotline or counselling.

Being reassured that you are not alone and that you do not have to be might benefit someone suffering from self-loathing and depression. The world has evolved, and mental health is no longer treated lightly; several options for seeking assistance are available.

The truth is that it is impossible to focus on anything if you are not mentally sound; People today are embarrassed to ask for help because they fear being judged; however, they forget that expressing your feelings and discussing your problems only takes courage; therefore, ask yourself who the real winner is?